She Had a Glass for Every Occasion!

 

She had a glass for every occasion. This was so much a fact for so many of her adult existence, that she even often scoffed it was to be written on her tombstone; that is right above “Loving Wife & Mother,” that is. This would be an epitaph that would make grieving strangers paying their respect to their dead relatives smile. Perhaps they would chuckle and maybe they would even raise a glass to her at their next neighborhood barbecue. One could only hope to be remembered for their sense of humor. She had spent years perfecting it, after all.

“Lucy, you got some ‘splaining to do.” Oh Ricky Ricardo and Lucile Ball… they knew how to make people laugh. So much time has passed now, since those days, when trad wife teasing hinted at a better time that women could do more than housewife. So much time has passed and truly wonderful spurts of growth for humanity have been gained. But since Trump and the his billionaire class puppet masters destroyed our democracy, what a death spiral we have been on. It’s like a dark circular slide into decent and we Americans truly have no idea where we are headed.

The best way to dissent is to “screw it to the man,” and enjoy our lives. Cradled in rural democratic Colorado it feels a little safer than the swamp of Trumps’ home state, so today, I guess we are headed out to Palisade to sample more local wine, meet up with friends, and take in some live music, epic views, sunshine, and joy. 

Back to my epitaph inspiration… I had pulled two plump goblets out of the China cabinet which I crammed into an alcove of my townhouse just three months ago. We are having a primer of stone-fruit sangria, like the kind I made for him on our third day in Italy two years ago when we celebrated my 50th.

He always said he wanted a maintenance free condo when the kids left home. He just couldn’t get off his ass and make it happen. The guy who never wanted kids, stepdad for the ages, he has graduated from soccer games every weekend and endless yard work. The boy scout has earned all his badges and he deserved a better life, but he’s OCD and takes years to make the kind of shift that we both knew he truly needed. I kicked his life in a 90 degree pivot. It was jolting when I pulled him out of his trance four months ago. I asked him for a divorce and even filled out the paperwork this time because his need for me was greater than his love. That may not make sense to you, but it was exactly how I felt. So, now we pay rent a modest home with very little work required of us. It’s a new page, a new chapter. Damn I feel like this may be a whole new book!

But come on… have you seen my husband lately? He looks good; better than he has looked in YEARS. Happier too. After I pulled the parachute cord on our marriage back in April, filled a U-haul with our dog, two-thirds of our stuff and his heart, we are on a completely different time-line and he is healthy. I am working a job I really see potential in, we have good friends, and we are both happier than we have any right to be.

Man, as The Prostate Wife, the definition of “caregiving” sure has broadened. We are one. That’s the trick. The vows you took at your wedding likely didn’t say that, but for us, we can’t do life alone, He is me. I am him. Caring for our own meat suits and our healthy psyche is an inside job. You have to love yourself first. That is what we have learned. It’s been complicated; this caring for his physical, mental, sexual, soul health. Don’t martyr yourself in the process. You are both important and special but you have to come first. 

All these lessons learned. Oh! It’s exhausting but we are still together. Can you believe it? 

Sometimes I wonder why God has been so good to me, but then I remember his promise to be my Daddy and that I should trust in Him and he would provide growth opportunities. Really, that’s what he has been doing. OK, God, can we just ride this wave of happy for a little while? I promise to help others come out of their own death spiral faster than we did and I promise to help as many people as often as I can. Thanks for giving me this fortitude and that guy. Ya - you knew. We both knew on that day too, April Fools’ Day, 2013. Love at first “CHEERS!”