Blood Clot Anyone?

September 8th, 2023

As the season change from summer to fall and the pumpkin spice everything makes its debut, I am finding myself reminiscing about the spring and summer. I am still in the editing stage of my book so it doesn’t take much for me to be transported back to April when things were really crazy. During these editing days am trying to gain perspective and evolve past my prior mindsets. 

I think about the spring when everything was about figuring out our new normal and the summer when I had my husband back for a little while. Things mellowed out and we vacationed to celebrate my birthday and the end of radiation, fully acknowledging that radiation was not the tough part of this cancer journey. We still have another year of battling the real monster, Androdgen Deprivation Therapy. Tony received his second dose in a delayed release injection on Tuesday. It left a large bruise on the left side of this tummy and over the past few days the lethargy is already setting in. Another new and odd symptom; his left leg along the inside knee section is puffy and sore. It’s been getting worse off and on for the last week and it’s sometimes painful to the touch. Also, something the internet characterizes and ice-pick headaches. 

But we get busy at work and at home and walking Stella and we hope it’s nothing and will go away on its own. But its not going away. It’s getting worse. Last night we went to an event at the Museum of Fine Art. This is one of the interests we wanted to pursue as a couple and since we have joined the museum a month ago this has been our third trip. Last night was a screening of Thumbs Up to Mother Earth, the Lonnie Holley documentary.   He was stressed out today. I met him at the office for lunch and he was off kilter then too. We drove to the event together and as we sat down to watch the documentary he had severe head pain. I pulled up his symptoms on my phone about what we thought was going on and Dr Google confirmed our concerns that he probably has a blood clot in his leg. The article said that blood clots can be caused by cancer treatment. Shit! You can die from these and I have known plenty of women my age or younger who have had to bury their husbands because they ignored symptoms like this and their husbands died in front of them and their kids.

 

I got up early this morning and went to a BNI meeting I had been invited to attend by a local entrepreneur. I’ve got to hustle to build my empire, after all. I have been full tilt boogie with the networking this week and taught my first mastermind at the Chamber of Commerce yesterday morning, The 5 Reasons Employees Quit and What You Can Do to Keep Them. I called Tony on my way to breakfast around nine. “What are you doing,” I asked. To which he replied, “just getting up and having coffee.” His tone was off. He was usually up much earlier on week days. He sounded beyond tired although he had just woken up. He snored all night last night so I can certainly attest to the poor sleep that he is suffering from…but is there something else happening here? Is the Androgen Deprivation Therapy that has been stealing all the testosterone stealing other things today too?

He is getting an ultrasound on his leg right now and I am waiting for him in this little room. I should be praying but my mind is too dizzy from this week’s events to focus on what is happening. So much good has happened this week in my business and with our relationship. I even had lunch with him yesterday at his company, Power Design. He gave me a tour of his work campus and we had lunch. I have been wanting to do that since we moved to Tampa. The tour was quite impressive and long overdue.

While I wait for him to come back from his ultrasound, I am not alone. I have you to keep me company. Writing gives me a chance to slow down and reprioritize, and frankly I can’t worry while I write. The two are mutually exclusive. 

I am glad that I insisted on driving him to the hospital today. It didn’t feel right to let him drive himself like he wanted. He is my lobster and he would be here for me, and he will be there for me someday, quite frankly. Everyone’s  health will decline someday. It’s just a matter of time. Face facts…we will all need to be in the Emergency Room eventually. It’s who is there with you, stroking your head and cracking jokes to keep your spirits up that really matters. Fear can creep in when we are by ourselves. You need your person for these trips and this is a lesson that I knew but resisted. Why now? He is only 51 and we haven’t had enough time together. All we have been doing since we met is caring for the boys and now that they are grown, this is our reward? It seems like a punishment but maybe this cancer BS is also a gift. We are dancing more and having the best conversations and we have renegotiated things like dishes, vacuuming, caring for the pets, our careers, hobbies, and vacations.

Okay, now I will pray but first, F@#$ CANCER.

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Shannon Joy Mekeel’s first book was inspired by her husband’s prostate cancer diagnosis and androgen deprivation therapy. It is entitled You Have Arrived and will be released in fall 2023 and is now available for pre-sale at ShannonJoyMekeel.com.

The companion documentary, Hurry Back will debut April 2024 at the inaugural Redfish Film Fest in Historic Downtown Panama City. This 12-part series tells the story of her family’s struggles and victories over the past century.