September 28th, 2023
As we learned through couples therapy, dancing can be a wonderful alternative to build intimacy and strengthen the connection between partners, especially in a situation where physical intimacy may be impacted by medical treatments such as androgen deprivation therapy. Here's why dance can be beneficial:
1. Non-verbal communication: Dance provides a unique opportunity for partners to communicate and connect without relying solely on verbal communication. Through dance, you can express emotions, desires, and intentions through movement, fostering a deep understanding and connection between you and your partner.
2. Physical closeness: Dancing often involves close physical contact, which can help create a sense of intimacy and closeness between partners. The physical connection and touch involved in dance can release oxytocin, a hormone associated with bonding and trust.
3. Emotional expression: Dance allows for the expression of emotions through movement, which can be a powerful way to connect with your partner. By exploring different dance styles, you can tap into a range of emotions, enhancing your ability to connect on a deeper level.
4. Trust and teamwork: Ballroom dancing, in particular, requires trust and teamwork between partners. Learning and practicing dance moves together can strengthen your bond as you rely on each other for support, coordination, and synchronization.
5. Shared experiences and memories: By engaging in dance together, you create shared experiences and memories that can strengthen your emotional connection. These shared moments can help you build a sense of joy, playfulness, and intimacy, even outside of the dance floor.
Remember, the focus of dance in this context is not about performance or perfection but rather about enjoying the journey together and using movement as a means of deepening your connection and intimacy. We took a class while we were on our cruise last month but we found the steps a little challenging, especially on a crowded dance floor. But we didn’t give up and simplified what we had learned in order to make the best of our vacation. Don’t think for a moment that the proper hold and a sway won’t suffice in reaching most of your goals. Here are the general guidelines for ballroom dancing.
1. Frame: Stand facing each other, with your bodies slightly offset. The leader (usually the man) should extend their left hand forward and hold the follower's (usually the lady's) right hand with a gentle, but firm, grip. The follower's left hand should rest on the leader's right arm, creating a connection. The partners' elbows should be slightly bent and relaxed.
2. Hand placement: The leader's right hand should rest lightly on the follower's back, around the middle or slightly below the shoulder blade. The follower's left hand should rest gently on the leader's right shoulder or upper arm.
3. Body contact: Maintain a comfortable level of body contact. The partners' upper bodies should be close together, maintaining a slight tension in the frame, while the lower bodies should maintain some space.
4. Connection and communication: Use the frame and hand connection to communicate with each other. The leader should guide the follower through movements, while the follower should respond to the leader's cues and follow their lead, talk and have fun! No one is watching, just get lost in the music and your partner.
Taking Lessons
Remember, it's important to communicate and adapt to your partner's comfort level. Every dance style may have slight variations in the hold, so it's always helpful to take lessons or seek guidance from a qualified dance instructor to ensure you are following the proper technique for the specific style you are practicing. Convincing someone who identifies as "macho" to take dancing lessons might require a sensitive and thoughtful approach. Here are a few suggestions to help you navigate this situation:
1. Highlight the benefits: Emphasize the positive effects that dancing can have on your relationship, such as building intimacy, improving communication, and creating shared experiences. Explain how dance can be a way to connect on a deeper level, regardless of traditional gender roles or stereotypes.
2. Appeal to their interests: Find ways to link their existing interests or hobbies to dancing. For example, if they enjoy music, you can explain how dancing can enhance their appreciation for different genres and rhythms. Emphasize that dancing can be a fun and enjoyable activity for both partners.
3. Discuss the challenges: Openly address the challenges the two of you may be facing due to the side effects of androgen deprivation therapy. Express your desire to find alternative ways to maintain intimacy and strengthen your bond. Frame dancing as a solution that can help both of you navigate these challenges together.
4. Seek professional guidance: Suggest seeking professional advice from a therapist, counselor, or even a healthcare provider who can explain the potential benefits of dance in this context. Sometimes hearing it from an expert can help change perspectives.
As for finding a place to take lessons, there are several options:
1. Local dance studios: Research dance studios in your area that offer beginner classes or specifically cater to couples. These studios often have instructors who can guide you through the basics and help you build confidence.
2. Community centers or adult education programs: Check if local community centers or adult education programs offer dance classes. These options are often more affordable and can be a great starting point for beginners.
3. Online dance classes: If you prefer to learn from the comfort of your own home, consider DIY dance classes. There are various platforms, websites, and YouTube channels that offer step-by-step tutorials for beginners.
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Shannon Joy Mekeel’s first book was inspired by her husband’s prostate cancer diagnosis and androgen deprivation therapy. It is entitled You Have Arrived and will be released in fall 2023 and is now available for pre-sale at ShannonJoyMekeel.com.
The companion documentary, Hurry Back will debut April 2024 at the inaugural Redfish Film Fest in Historic Downtown Panama City. This 12-part series tells the story of her family’s struggles and victories over the past century.
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